


Running Up That Hill

by shealynn88



Series: Warriors of Heaven and Earth [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 08:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19330996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shealynn88/pseuds/shealynn88
Summary: Tag to 5.22, Swan Song.  Cas and Dean talk about what comes next.





	Running Up That Hill

**Author's Note:**

  * For [all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BundleOfSoy/gifts).



“So, we did it. He did it.” Dean stared ahead. Sightless.

“He did,” Cas said softly from the passenger seat. “He was very strong.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be him, Cas. He - _he_ was supposed to get the normal life. It was all he ever wanted.”

Dean wasn’t sure why he said it. Because Cas was all that was left, probably. Because, despite their differences, despite everything, Cas seemed to _understand_ him. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“I had to do it, right? I had to let him?” There was a cavern in his chest, growing by the second.

“It was his choice to make. He was the only one who could have made it.”

“I’m - I was - I’m his big brother.”

“Dean.” 

Cas’s voice was heartbreakingly gentle. His hands, too. So gentle on Dean’s arm, against his cheek.

Dean choked on tears before he knew they were coming, and then he was in Cas’s arms, broken, irreparable. Cas pressed lips into his hair, murmured quietly against his scalp, his neck, his ear.

There were fingers in his hair, and all he could think was - someone should be doing this for Sam. All the comfort, the sweet words, they should have been Sam’s. Dean had always known he’d die young, he’d never thought about any other kind of life. To have it now was the cruelest joke of all.

He wanted to ask Cas to stay, but of course he couldn’t. They were warriors, both of them. Whatever they had, whatever they _were_ , it came second to that. They came second. It was what drew him, inexorably, to the angel. Despite everything. Despite _this_.

“Do you...when do you have to go?” he finally asked. 

Cas kissed him softly. It felt like goodbye. “Soon. I can’t leave them too long. Peace will be...fragile with Michael gone.”

“No, yeah, of course. I get it.”

“Do you?” He cupped Dean’s face in his hand. Dean looked down. Away. There was too much in those eyes to stand. He could burn away in that gaze. “I have to make sure - your sacrifice. Sam’s. They will not be in vain. I’ll see to it.”

It was the right thing. Of course it was. They weren’t doing this, any of this, for _them_. Never had.

Fingers stroked his face and neck gently. 

“Thanks, Cas.”

“I wish…” Cas shook his head. “You’re welcome. And..thank you.” He took a breath. Expelled it. Tried again. “If you can…” His voice was pleading. “Rest, Dean. Go home and rest.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He took Cas’s hand from his cheek and held it. Squeezed it. “You’d better go, huh?”

“Yes, I should.” His face was pained. It looked like regret. It looked like what might have been. In another life. In another reality. And Dean wanted that, too, but what they had was _this_ reality. _This_ life. This _duty_.

Dean released Cas’s hand between them. _Permission granted_.

He waited until Cas was gone to go limp, shoulders slumping, head falling forward. 

Home. 

His home was in Lucifer’s cage. His home was on it’s way to Heaven. 

“Just you and me, Baby,” he murmured. He started the engine and sat, let the sound of her engine lull him. 

How long could it be, really, before he could call it over, before he could say he’d done what Sam asked? Thirty years? Forty? He could do that. 

It was just an exchange: one Hell for another. And for Sam, he could do it. For Cas. For the world.

The happy ending was never supposed to be his, anyway.


End file.
